Come Home

The only way to get through the incredibly difficult things that life throws at you is by staying grateful. Now that I finally feel like I'm coming out of the shock and numbness of Mitch's passing, I am truly overcome with gratitude for all of the blessings in my life. I am so grateful for the people that were there immediately to scoop me up into their arms and tell me that life would be good again even when I was too hurt and scared to believe a word they said. I am so grateful for every prayer, each kind text and even the encouragement of people I've never met. I am grateful for the roof over my head and for a healthy body (even as it takes a beating from the effects of grief, I know I have the capacity to be strong again). I am so grateful for my family and wonderful in-laws who prove there is still so much good in the world. I am grateful to the Pacific Ballroom dance team for putting together a beautiful routine in Mitch's honor. I am grateful for my testimony of Jesus Christ and the eternal hope that can be found through Him. I am grateful for temples and eternal families. I am grateful for the fire that burns within me that helps me keep going, and helps me believe that someday things will be better.

And most of all, I am grateful for every second I got to spend with the most wonderful man who taught me how to love myself and others. I am grateful for the strength he passed on to me to be able to get through this terrifying thing. I am so grateful for the legacy he left and the amazing memories I will carry forever.

I am still afraid. I am still weak. I am still heartbroken. But I am also strong, capable and blessed.

My thoughts often drift back to a gorgeous summer evening two years ago. Mitch and I went to see OneRepublic and the weather was incredible. We sat on a blanket in this gorgeous amphitheater, we were engaged and life was honestly, perfect. At some point in their set, they played my favorite song of theirs, "Come Home". I remember looking at Mitch, the happiest tears welling up in my eyes because I was so grateful for him, the beautiful world, this song...everything. I was so happy to be alive in that moment. And now, when all seems lost, I think back to that perfect moment and those happy tears. And while it seems impossible now, I want those happy tears back. I want to be so thrilled to be alive and I will do whatever it takes to get there again. And then, when I've lived as fully and as beautifully as I could, I will go home to that wonderful man with the cutest curls with no regrets. I love you, Mitch.

“Whatever the difficulties confronting us, the weaknesses confining us, or the impossibilities surrounding us, let us have faith in the Son of God, who declared, “All things are possible to him that believeth.”

Neil L. Anderson